My last message I admit was probably a little 'deep' unfortunately there was no other way of getting said message across that in the face of severe adversity, there's always hope, fortunately for me, I always think on those 'Red Pill' levels.
In society today, we don't tend to discuss the various effects of a death in the family be it abrupt or natural, a passing of a close one, we don't have an effective support mechanism, I'm not talking about putting someone that has experienced such a devastating experience on suicide watch, or to be called every three and half minutes in a day for comfort, Rather, I'm talking about a support mechanism that allows an individual to maintain a keen grasp on their reality, ultimately maintaining a keen grasp on life and the plethora of hope and opportunities that life can still offer regardless of any misfortune in its many guises. I hope to offer a little inkling to how I got by and coped.
For me, I believe one never gets over such a personal loss, I believe it plays on your mind till the day you take your last breath, nevertheless as human beings we have a sense of survival that's innate in all of us, its just a question of resilience and how high your resilience levels are...
In the last 3 years since the passing of my brother, I've had a lot of people ask "Isaak, how have you coped?", what they really mean is "Isaak, why are you not wallowing in self pity and constantly calling us complaining about how your life is shit and that the walls are closing in on you". Unfortunately you can never give an accurate answer to how you've coped except to say that quite simply "I've kept things moving" as clichéd as that sounds. You just cope and you convert any negative energy into something constructive, which is what I did and admittedly still trying to do, some people aren't able to 'just cope', so I'll suggest you find something you feel will allow you to avert your attention from the tragedy, this helped me a little bit.
In the early aftermath, yes I blamed the whole world, the hospital and anyone else that I felt could've done something to save my brother, ultimately these were natural human emotions which after a while you come to the realisation that actually it was just his time all be it abrupt.
Life changed for me dramatically... I feel somewhat surprised and blessed that I'm able to sit here today discussing such a traumatic experience as it definitely almost certainly 'finished' me. The list of misfortune seemed endless, no contact with my son, my relationships were going nowhere then my brother dies...I'm thinking 'what the hell is going on' I mean the feeling was and still is indescribable, it felt like a gruesome nightmare!.
I feel I've exorcised some of my demons now, but I know there is still much work to do, but that's all good because I'm hopeful I'll be a person of value once the transformation of character is complete, I truly believe that.
My Coping Mechanism;
I decided to throw myself into the business of music.. after the loss, I lost all my drive for the recruitment business I ran for 2 years, in fact left the recruitment industry completely after a long but successful 8 years to pursue a business my brother had a keen interest in (I found solace in something my brother enjoyed doing) I honestly didn't think about it much, I simply went in head first and didn't look back. This was my Coping Mechanism, I'll be honest, I'm not sure if its worked, nevertheless working, being involved in various projects and relative activities was a way for me to surrender to what I felt I needed at the time - Motivation.
The journey is far from complete and having the blessing of being able to wake up everyday means that I have a chance to fulfil a legacy and an objective regardless of my misfortunes.
Unfortunately I've had a few friends and colleagues that have lost a loved one in the last year especially... and as devastatingly sad as the experience may have been, you have much work to do. They are gone in person but not in spirit, which means you still have a responsibility to them but mostly a responsibility to yourself to fulfil all your ambitions in life, perhaps solace could be sought throughout the process.
I sincerely hope this brief message has been of some help to you.
Thank you for reading. The next T.P.C will be available shortly..
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